“Society should accept us as humans, not treat us as aliens”

I have blurred memories of my childhood, which I spent in a village in Uttar Pradesh.

At school my classmates would bully me for the way I talked and walked. 

When the taunts became too much, I stopped going to school. I was in class VII then. So, I’m just a sixth standard pass, good-for-nothing transwoman.

A couple of years after I quit school, my parents asked me to leave the house, if I couldn’t live like a normal boy. Being the eldest of three boys, I would ruin everyone’s future, they said. 

Well, I had to leave because I was not a boy and I had failed to explain it to them.

I would have been 15 or 16 when I moved to Banaras (Varanasi).

I worked in small food stalls near the banks of the River Ganga. 

Often the steps leading down to the water served as my bed at night.

I never contacted my family after coming to Banaras. 

Sometimes I wonder what they look like. It’s been decades now. I wouldn’t recognise anyone, even if I met them. 

My only regret is that I have no photos of them. Especially of my mummy. 

There are times, real bad times, when I think of going back to her, hug her tight and just keep crying. 

But the next moment I wear the strong-woman shield to survive in this difficult world.

I make ends meet by singing and dancing on happy occasions – mostly weddings and childbirth – in Banaras. But I also go for sex work. 

I can sing and dance only on special occasions. And that doesn’t happen every day, right? And so I opt for sex work.  

There are not many employment opportunities for transgenders in India except these two.

But even these are jobs not without problems. 

Once a male student pursuing a masters in a reputed university of Varanasi called me for sex work. When I went there, I was further exploited by three boys at this student’s place. 

I went to the police to complain and they laughed at me. When I asked them to take the matter seriously, they abused me, called me names and even asked me for sexual favours. 

Now if and when I take up sex work, I ask the client to come to my place or some hotel.

I live with my three friends. Anuradha is my best friend. Oh, but I hate it when she takes my purse and make-up stuff without my permission. 

None of us can afford sex reassignment surgery. 

When we struggle to make a living due to a lack of employment opportunities for transgenders in our country, how can we spend two or three lakh rupees for a surgery in a private clinic?

People like us barely get the love of parents. 

When we try to find it in people who make love with us, we are betrayed. 

Society needs to let go of transphobia and accept us as humans, not treat us as aliens.